Monday, 28 February 2011
Ahhhhhhh morning pages
I've the day off today wooooppeee but need to sleep...this virus and the weekend have wiped me out and i nearly nodded off doing my morning pages...but will walk in fresh air and art a little this afternoon zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...must post some piccies of my art i'm popping them on wild precious at the moment rahter than on here....doing some super faces with my conte crayons .........TAW week 3 going o.k
Thursday, 24 February 2011
My Special Morning Pages
I am not good with morning pages..i've journalled for years but 'anytime pages is probably a better desription of what i can committ to and 'boy' i can write and i have books full of my scrawling and blurting over the years, some of it sad most of it very telling of my mindset and all of it very therapeutic.It isn't happenning so well for me in TAW though..i'm trying but not achieving the 10 mins a morning at the moment.However this morning here I am full of a cold, in my dressing gown knowing i'll be late for work doing my morning pages and sharing these because today is a very special day in my life and journey (and i couldn't get the day off i did try!)
Wow my son turns 18 years old today....i cannot believe it ...he would never know how totally integral he is to my LIFE how PRECIOUS he is and how emotional I feel about this .Right now it's about him.. becoming a young man and my letting go..but still having a relationship in which we care about each other and hopefully share some interests! He shares a love of football with his dad and well i can bake! and he is a kind boy behind a very macho exterior so he is helpful, loving and really good company (he has a wicked sense of humour ...i just love it)..Probably the best chats are in the car..it always opens up a conversation when your driving him somewhere and in the teenage years it's been good to have this as most of the time he spends in his room on x box live! Yes Chel and I are the 'croanies' that really do not have much of an idea about anything ...the teenage ego is one to just be accepted but in between the hollaring to and from the the bedroom he has shared his pearls of wisdom and you know i have learnt such a lot from him.Long gone is the desperate hope i had... that i'd actually bare a child....sustain a pregnancy the pain isn't there anymore, the memory of it is a kind of deep empathic feeling, as if it were perhaps someone else.I still have pangs of fear around not being able to look out for him though... i remember to vividly him being wisked away and the consent forms being signed for his surgery..i remember looking at the cute little fellow with tubes and wires and those drowsy little eyes...when it came to holding time at the hospital i would sit there all day holding him i didn't want to put him down it's that feeling,that wanting to be close that now has changed into wanting and to knowing where he is or when he'll be back and my wanting to be around just incase there are any emergencies.He is kinda sensible behind the 'drink all you can' bravado ...i think ! and well i was comletely wild at his age so i think some of my fears are linked to knowing the ridiculous risks i exposed myself to at 18 but hey i'm here to tell the tale.I love him sooo much but it isn't a love that is easily expressed...it's so unconditional and soooo profound words do not do it justice..it's the sort of love that takes a lifetime of doing, saying and showing to express and even in spirit will be there for eternity..i do know what love is it is 'this' feeling the feeling i have for my child the knowledge that i would forfit my own life for him...a little scarey and intense but i've thought about it and i've had too often the fear come surging back the fear of losing him ..although this of course has been highly unlikely ..he had another admission to hospital when 13 with an obstruction but wow he got on with it and knows what to look out for i think he learnt a lot about his health because of that...again i didn't leave his side i couldn't ..i massaged his feet patroled the parameters of his room it really took me back to the early days! some of the nures recognised me that was kinda nice i'd worked there for years but no amount of caring for other lovely poorly children kits you out for caring for your own and fearing that the unthinkable might happen...infact i don't think i was ever the same whe i went back to work so early after having my little mel....I went into efficient mode this time (it is the only think that sends me anywhere near efficient ...that feeling of needing to protect my child!) but my heart ached and i was all fluffed up in defensive mode to protect this wee man nothing else entered my blocked off mind ...that i must do whatever it took to get him better.. .Now this year he's going abroad with his mates ...oh my goodness ...i'm not thinking to hard about it he's a young man and i trust him he has a life to lead...so as you turn 18 Mel know you'll always be loved unconditionally for eternity. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wow my son turns 18 years old today....i cannot believe it ...he would never know how totally integral he is to my LIFE how PRECIOUS he is and how emotional I feel about this .Right now it's about him.. becoming a young man and my letting go..but still having a relationship in which we care about each other and hopefully share some interests! He shares a love of football with his dad and well i can bake! and he is a kind boy behind a very macho exterior so he is helpful, loving and really good company (he has a wicked sense of humour ...i just love it)..Probably the best chats are in the car..it always opens up a conversation when your driving him somewhere and in the teenage years it's been good to have this as most of the time he spends in his room on x box live! Yes Chel and I are the 'croanies' that really do not have much of an idea about anything ...the teenage ego is one to just be accepted but in between the hollaring to and from the the bedroom he has shared his pearls of wisdom and you know i have learnt such a lot from him.Long gone is the desperate hope i had... that i'd actually bare a child....sustain a pregnancy the pain isn't there anymore, the memory of it is a kind of deep empathic feeling, as if it were perhaps someone else.I still have pangs of fear around not being able to look out for him though... i remember to vividly him being wisked away and the consent forms being signed for his surgery..i remember looking at the cute little fellow with tubes and wires and those drowsy little eyes...when it came to holding time at the hospital i would sit there all day holding him i didn't want to put him down it's that feeling,that wanting to be close that now has changed into wanting and to knowing where he is or when he'll be back and my wanting to be around just incase there are any emergencies.He is kinda sensible behind the 'drink all you can' bravado ...i think ! and well i was comletely wild at his age so i think some of my fears are linked to knowing the ridiculous risks i exposed myself to at 18 but hey i'm here to tell the tale.I love him sooo much but it isn't a love that is easily expressed...it's so unconditional and soooo profound words do not do it justice..it's the sort of love that takes a lifetime of doing, saying and showing to express and even in spirit will be there for eternity..i do know what love is it is 'this' feeling the feeling i have for my child the knowledge that i would forfit my own life for him...a little scarey and intense but i've thought about it and i've had too often the fear come surging back the fear of losing him ..although this of course has been highly unlikely ..he had another admission to hospital when 13 with an obstruction but wow he got on with it and knows what to look out for i think he learnt a lot about his health because of that...again i didn't leave his side i couldn't ..i massaged his feet patroled the parameters of his room it really took me back to the early days! some of the nures recognised me that was kinda nice i'd worked there for years but no amount of caring for other lovely poorly children kits you out for caring for your own and fearing that the unthinkable might happen...infact i don't think i was ever the same whe i went back to work so early after having my little mel....I went into efficient mode this time (it is the only think that sends me anywhere near efficient ...that feeling of needing to protect my child!) but my heart ached and i was all fluffed up in defensive mode to protect this wee man nothing else entered my blocked off mind ...that i must do whatever it took to get him better.. .Now this year he's going abroad with his mates ...oh my goodness ...i'm not thinking to hard about it he's a young man and i trust him he has a life to lead...so as you turn 18 Mel know you'll always be loved unconditionally for eternity. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
What do you wish for your home.....wishcasting wednesday
http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-home
A spring clean and filling my home with love and the smell of home baking!
I have not focused on my home for some time and Jamie's thought provoker is so well timed......i would like a little more order in my home...it is pretty disorganised...i tend to focus on my craft room ! and i've been quite self absorbed over the last month .... last week even the washer gave up and just stopped working... we just about manage to wash up daily...we are just not very tidy people! i am such a hoarder and i wish we could have a spring clean. Our home's energy would really benefit from a good clean then i'd love to fill it with family love ... I am baking a big chocolate cake for my son as this weekend he turns 18 ! i've put together 3 lovely photo's in frame and we will hang it our home to capture hime being 16 -18 years although a small family there is always love and humour in plentiful supply ... to make up for the odd disagreement or moody soul days! our home is our buffer it's our safe haven where we can truly express ourselves and be ourselves........
loved this saying fom a fellow wishcasters post:
"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."-Hans Hoffman
A spring clean and filling my home with love and the smell of home baking!
I have not focused on my home for some time and Jamie's thought provoker is so well timed......i would like a little more order in my home...it is pretty disorganised...i tend to focus on my craft room ! and i've been quite self absorbed over the last month .... last week even the washer gave up and just stopped working... we just about manage to wash up daily...we are just not very tidy people! i am such a hoarder and i wish we could have a spring clean. Our home's energy would really benefit from a good clean then i'd love to fill it with family love ... I am baking a big chocolate cake for my son as this weekend he turns 18 ! i've put together 3 lovely photo's in frame and we will hang it our home to capture hime being 16 -18 years although a small family there is always love and humour in plentiful supply ... to make up for the odd disagreement or moody soul days! our home is our buffer it's our safe haven where we can truly express ourselves and be ourselves........
loved this saying fom a fellow wishcasters post:
"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."-Hans Hoffman
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Opinions, Dramas....Feelings, Reactions...ohhh the joys
Hey entering into the spirit of week 3 of TAW especially after the usual 'crazymaking' today... i just laughed it's not worth fuelling the crazy fire!or reacting to the buttons pressed.I'll have a good blurt in my morning pages.
Sunday, 20 February 2011
OMG
Ohh my goodness....i'm learning some enlightening things...I'm understanding why my energy is sometimes sapped and I am having to acknowledge, but not dwell on, some of my short comings! i'm seeing people, and myself, in a different light and all this from TAW at Wild Pecious Studios!I'm going for a swim and am just going to BE with my Chel to ground myself...
Saturday, 19 February 2011
TAW @ Wild Precious Studios
I need to listen to this over again it is soooo enlightening.Thankyou to Effy for this insightful VLOG xx
Friday, 18 February 2011
music to art tooooo
OOOOOh a little bit of Jack's old and new album i'll be putting on my cd and arting away.........
Art Journal pages
I have just found a copy of the 'artists way' and ordered it and i drew this week and prepared two pages in my art journal to try some teesha styled art journal pages yeeeeh now the weekend is here i can have a pyjama day and enjoy creating....My life is soooo gooood.
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Wishcasting Wednesday...What Aspect of your personality do you wish to express more of?
My body clock seemed to know it was wishcasting Wednesday...as i was up earlier than the alarm today! A 'first' this winter season...as the dark shorter days do not suit me so perhaps it is a good indicator that the seasons are on the turn .....ooh and a full moon is coming.
My personality mmmmm again i would like to take this wish with all day and hold it close and focus on it...i know that today could be a difficult one as there are challenges at work....I am pretty patient and tolerant but sometimes put my own opinions on the back burner in order not to aggravate a situation.I am often content to do this but if i am being honest sometimes my reasons are that i fear saying or doing things that might provoke an aggressive or poor reaction from others ....so today i am going to practice my goal for 2011 of being 'bolder' in this aspect of my personality. I will not 'try' to hard to do this as all i wish to do is be able to express myself and my perspective on things with care and sensitivity, and as always from my heart.Again i will repost tonight to touch base with things go today as at the moment this is working well for me .I am soo very grateful for Jamie's thought provoking questions and Wishcasting Wednesday is such an important part of my week...Love to all.
My personality mmmmm again i would like to take this wish with all day and hold it close and focus on it...i know that today could be a difficult one as there are challenges at work....I am pretty patient and tolerant but sometimes put my own opinions on the back burner in order not to aggravate a situation.I am often content to do this but if i am being honest sometimes my reasons are that i fear saying or doing things that might provoke an aggressive or poor reaction from others ....so today i am going to practice my goal for 2011 of being 'bolder' in this aspect of my personality. I will not 'try' to hard to do this as all i wish to do is be able to express myself and my perspective on things with care and sensitivity, and as always from my heart.Again i will repost tonight to touch base with things go today as at the moment this is working well for me .I am soo very grateful for Jamie's thought provoking questions and Wishcasting Wednesday is such an important part of my week...Love to all.
Boldness...........well the day was just fine i didn't have a need for boldness in any other form than usual...perhaps i'm already bold! The 'boldest thing' i did was leave work on time! now that is progress..i think my wish came true.
Sunday, 13 February 2011
self portrait for journal
Love the techniques shown on Wild Precious Art journalling group .I would like to do this it is such a clever way of creating a journal page out of a photograph of yourself...
Temper Trap tunes .....
Gotta say i remember school gymn class and this first video reminded me of it!.......however i wonder whether i was attracted to it becuase i'm not running at the moment (my running buddy is busy with life and i must admit i did think of her when i watched it)..loving Temper Trap sounds today as they are 'passionate' in keeping with the theme of Passion for this month..Below is my favourite 'Sweet Disposition'...........
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Fairy tale journal pages - Altered Book
Am pleased to have made my first postings in my studio on Wild Precious ........this is such an encouraging 'internet space' the artists there are welcoming and there are some great workshops...the inspiration there is great...I am aspiring to really get my art journalling off the ground....adding pages to my 'Fairy Tale Journal' started i sooo long ago above a couple of pages i completed last night...the other pages i did way back maybe a year or so ago they are on my other blogspot.
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
The Talented Ed Sheeran....
This is sad ....... it is fictional and the music is great this young guy is sooo talented .....but you know this has a realness because it is out there and i'm so touched by the way it is sensitively expressed in this song and the video says it all......
I am reminded that we all have a story to tell and we learn so much by hearing, seeing and empathising .....this how we learn to be human kind .......
I am reminded that we all have a story to tell and we learn so much by hearing, seeing and empathising .....this how we learn to be human kind .......
Jamie asks 'what do you wish to dare to do?
What do i wish i could dare to do.......Ohhhh instantly i wish i could dare to just devote my whole life to my creativity....just opt out of the 'rat race' and live an artists life! Again i'm going to think about this all day it will infuse my day with a little magic and i'll return to the post tonight just as i did last week....this is a super way for Jamie's wish to have a great effect on my life it makes me mindful and gives my brain some 'me' space during the working day...... I wish to dare to devote my life to my creativity...................
my return post:
What a good day ...hey same ole stuff and yes i did work late but i laughed, smiled and held the feeling of hope close to my heart and find perhaps just being 'liberated to dream' and hold the 'hope of a wish' is enough... i do dare to be creative everyday with the way i see things, think about things and perceive things i am an artist... an artist of life!
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Passionate February
Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead. ~Joss Whedon
The theme for February creativity....i'm going to enjoy exploring this.Am gathering images to inspire some creative work but other things are needed to really explore passion creatively it requires using all the senses ...velvets, silks... animal prints, vibrant oranges and reds and purples and greens mmm smells of fresh but aromatic tones ...sounds of rich samba and dance vibe infused music...just for starters.
DIG DEEP journalling prompt
I'm not sure whether to continue in my existign art journal or start another ....i think i'm going to continue in the one i started some time ago.I will have another journal to actually write in and complete my daily morning pages........
"Seeing your truth in writing can be both startling and motivating. So get out your journal and turn to a blank page.
Ask yourself:
What am I waiting for?
Set a timer for ten minutes and write. Write everything that comes to mind, and don't stop writing.
The first responses will be the usual: I don't have time. I don't have money. So and so won't let me.
Keep journaling.
Next will come the deeper excuses: I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of success (!!!). I'm afraid people will think I'm selfish/crazy/irresponsible.
Those responses hit a little closer to home.
But keep journaling. The deeper you dig, the more real your answers become. Then you can ask yourself:
Are these reasons really more important than my dreams?
Once you see them spelled out on the page -- the *real* reasons you're not following your dreams -- you just may realize they're not as insurmountable as you thought. They may even appear downright silly.
You deserve to follow a path that brings you closer to joy with every step. Start the journey today."
from Kristin Donovan journalling saves
"Seeing your truth in writing can be both startling and motivating. So get out your journal and turn to a blank page.
Ask yourself:
What am I waiting for?
Set a timer for ten minutes and write. Write everything that comes to mind, and don't stop writing.
The first responses will be the usual: I don't have time. I don't have money. So and so won't let me.
Keep journaling.
Next will come the deeper excuses: I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of success (!!!). I'm afraid people will think I'm selfish/crazy/irresponsible.
Those responses hit a little closer to home.
But keep journaling. The deeper you dig, the more real your answers become. Then you can ask yourself:
Are these reasons really more important than my dreams?
Once you see them spelled out on the page -- the *real* reasons you're not following your dreams -- you just may realize they're not as insurmountable as you thought. They may even appear downright silly.
You deserve to follow a path that brings you closer to joy with every step. Start the journey today."
from Kristin Donovan journalling saves
Reverb revisited...mmmmmmm
February Prompt:One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?
I am being creative every day...and taking more photographs as i have a small camera (of my mums) that i carry around with me all the time....just feels a little crazy but kind a nice ...i stopped yesterday on my way to have a hair cut just to photograph a hazy dreamy sun in the sky am posting my photo's on a my journeyshared wordpress blogspot.... capturing the everday beauty that inspires me and feels magical mmmmm but htere has to be adarker side of me i'm not so accepting of and i experimented with some free flow on this blog boy it felt not nice exposing my ramblings to an open space on the net...i edited straight away sooo i was really pleased when i came across wild precious studios and Effy encouraging the writing of daily pages and the concept of 'BLURT' i do a bit of this any way but thought hey perhaps i need to follow along here and explore being bolder and embracing this side of me a little more to be truly authentic....i have created a few vision boards that focus more on dreams and positivity but my art journal is joing to be a soulful one, inspired by wild precious.
I am living new questions.....reducing my hours was given a 'no no' by my organisation but i've appealled in a gentle way and decided to take annual leave throughout the year so as to get the same effect! Being bolder in 2011 doesn't mean i have to fight or be awkward it just means being more authentic and doing things that truly reflect who i am...and finding solutions to samll hitches in my plans .......'I am Enough'.....pours through me as my affirmation for this month.
I am being creative every day...and taking more photographs as i have a small camera (of my mums) that i carry around with me all the time....just feels a little crazy but kind a nice ...i stopped yesterday on my way to have a hair cut just to photograph a hazy dreamy sun in the sky am posting my photo's on a my journeyshared wordpress blogspot.... capturing the everday beauty that inspires me and feels magical mmmmm but htere has to be adarker side of me i'm not so accepting of and i experimented with some free flow on this blog boy it felt not nice exposing my ramblings to an open space on the net...i edited straight away sooo i was really pleased when i came across wild precious studios and Effy encouraging the writing of daily pages and the concept of 'BLURT' i do a bit of this any way but thought hey perhaps i need to follow along here and explore being bolder and embracing this side of me a little more to be truly authentic....i have created a few vision boards that focus more on dreams and positivity but my art journal is joing to be a soulful one, inspired by wild precious.
I am living new questions.....reducing my hours was given a 'no no' by my organisation but i've appealled in a gentle way and decided to take annual leave throughout the year so as to get the same effect! Being bolder in 2011 doesn't mean i have to fight or be awkward it just means being more authentic and doing things that truly reflect who i am...and finding solutions to samll hitches in my plans .......'I am Enough'.....pours through me as my affirmation for this month.
Friday, 4 February 2011
What do i do on a Friday night!
O.K i cruise the internet for nice tunes ....do this often just love it .....wind
down for the weekend........... and sometimes i create with them in mind everything is inspirational to a busy brain
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Jamie Ridler ask 'What burden do you wish to put down'
http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-burden-put-down
I am going to complete this post tonight after a working day .... as it is the emotional burden of the working day i wish to be able to put down.....Some people are very good at disconnecting but i have always found i need to do something in order to release emotions and put down my burdens from a day....
I wish to put down the emotional burdens of today.. throughout the day if possible but if time doesn't allow then when i return tonight i will do so......usually doing something creative allows me to do this but i'm thinking about this now for the day....so off i scoot to work holding this close to my heart...feeling burdenless.. lets see what i have to say tonight...i haven't looked in my diary sooo don't know what the day holds and right now in the fresh new moon of february i can honestly say i am emotionally calm and optimistic ............and my frame of mind is light.
I am going to complete this post tonight after a working day .... as it is the emotional burden of the working day i wish to be able to put down.....Some people are very good at disconnecting but i have always found i need to do something in order to release emotions and put down my burdens from a day....
I wish to put down the emotional burdens of today.. throughout the day if possible but if time doesn't allow then when i return tonight i will do so......usually doing something creative allows me to do this but i'm thinking about this now for the day....so off i scoot to work holding this close to my heart...feeling burdenless.. lets see what i have to say tonight...i haven't looked in my diary sooo don't know what the day holds and right now in the fresh new moon of february i can honestly say i am emotionally calm and optimistic ............and my frame of mind is light.
Later post!
The working day was the working day and it passed.I held the focus of letting go of my emotinal burdens in a special little place in my head all day and although there were moments in that day when i could feel 'the rise' i let it go and it was a good day around me i could feel others 'rise' but i tried not to let their energy effect me...i was involved not disconnected and did work late so as to enjoy being productive in a quieter calmer environment...I do love my work but this quote came from Compendium and it struck a chord with me
Is the life I'm living the life that wants to live in me?
-Parker Palmer
-Parker Palmer
Thoughtful again about life and dealing with the everydayness and the tasks that have to be done.I'm sooo grateful to friends and family and my queiter life with smiles, snuggle socks and chill time ....life is beautiful.
Lovin this sara Bareilles tune http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5hOlmM64VY
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