Recapping on the Journey.....

Had the most amazing walk yesterday which tired Chel and I out....the sun was out the air was fresh there wasn't a raindrop in sight ....water was high around the pond and fast running in all the little streams ...we're lucky because 3 miles in another direction the river has flooded it's banks and Kirkstall was under water! I selfishly didn't even think about this at the time and was more grateful for the feeling of wellness I have...a bit weak but  able to walk and get out of the house. This christmas I had a lurgy.. the 'toilet Kind'!  It was bloody awful and not eating for 5 days doesn't suit a 50 years young woman I would've got a buzz from that at 18 years old (that's was another phase now not worth recapping on)  but boy not now! Dioralyte cocktails were like nectar ...citrus flavour the best ....I've read Paulo Coelho The Alchemist and listened to the audible Philemena and am looking forward to another week of reading...since recovering more I prepped a new recycled journal for next year and another more dreamy delicate one and decided to keep a mood journal too (just fancied doing that although usually randomly reflect in this way in my sleep and nvc journal I thought I'd give it some focus in one journal for 2016...gosh I have book to draw and write in in every corner of my home I can sit still in....thst is heavenly ! I also arted a lot around the build up to the full moon on 25/12/15....that was nice and created some mandalas with each magicmoon drawing....now that was real flow time I loved it. During this time I did reflect on my feelings and my purpose and happiness levels as part of mapping out 2015's journey and my focus for 2016.I'm happy when not at work and know deep down I'm not happy at work... I think there are a lot of unhappy people at work I know because they constantly emmitt negativity. ..and I soak negativity up like a sponge I wish I didn't and I try all sorts of strategies to try to stop it getting to me but it seeps in eventually.I don't want to change job,I actually love the client work and it feels purposeful so that isnt on the cards.I do however wish to find my souls purpose and then retire early in 5 years.. .there needs to be to practical steps taken and a plan in order to do this.I do continue to learn a lot about myself ....I'm so full of flaws ( human heart flaws! ) I struggle to change them and accepting and surrendering to them is central to this years progress...its been kinda wearing trying to challenge and change them ...but especially painful in the work environment . A bit of fresh air ,yoga and time alone helps build resilience but only ameliorates the unhappiness I feel there with the people I work with and I'm sorry about that and wish I could change it ....but I cannot ....the best I can hope to do is simply manage the situation learn more about myself, examine my judgments, illuminate others judgemental attitudes, build personal resilience, prepare and explore my souls desires and dreams for the next part of my journey....a 5 year plan in the making.I need the universe's love and support sooooo very much and am holding my hands out to receive ....thank you universe.

Aad Guray Nameh - Snatam Kaur / EyedreamDesign artwork (series 1)

I could play this comforting mantra on repeat.... feel myself drift to a good place in my mind and body and forget I'm part of the uncomfortable vibrations I feel at work...guess that would defeat  the object of culturing peace within and being able to take it with you wherever you go in whatever you doooo....so I will try to get on track again as have misplaced my centre ....drawing some mandalas....going real real slow this weekend and lots of hugs this weekend has helped me to be in a slightly more insightful place and acknowledge the only drama that really exists is the drama I create in me.....thats what I've noticed when using a little observers consciousness...and I need to process some of the hurt i'm covering with my defensive outerwear but hey awareness is the a start to changing and managing myself.... embracing and accepting it or trying tooooo

Moving on.....

....letting it go and starting again this week ....slowly does it from an observers consciousness....plenty of self care to help buffer the exhausting effects of any drama....

self care includes:

Daily calming and grounding through some sacred practice like drawing a mandala, yoga or a mindful walk...my way of reconnecting to source.Work on cultivating a morning routine that might encourage more regular stretching and mindfulness. 

Venting and getting emotional space in my own way through perhaps,journaling,  creating part of artspread or walking briskly rather than mindfully to get things moving rather than festering in any non useful thought.Choosing who I might talk to and will listen and be grateful for any space they give me.

Sit with the emotion long enough to understand it acknowledge my needs others needs but be aware if the unpleasant impact on everyday functioning on dwelling on it too long it is not good for me to do this.

Be mindful of my physical health and that the ole ferratin levels are always very low..and take care of that thyriod....and body with lots of warm nutritious food home cooked one pots and nice baking made with love....a good 2 litres of fresh or warm water every day.

Lynne Forrest - Starting Gate Positions on Victim Triangle

Jack Savoretti Sweet hurt + Jack in a box

The Other Side of Love

I'm perusing you tube for some release of emotion!.......its a habit I'm not keen to return to but i thought id indulge myself this once in honour of Jack ! I really need to journal, write and art! not peruse but sometimes it's the beginning of a bit of release that start the ball rolling .......and our Jack well there's a tune for any mood or moment....I'm struggling with wholly accepting the human condition and my strong emotions as part of the human condition....Its the victim in me and others that really screws me up! now that's a journal page and a bit of poetry in the making.... at 50 yrs young I really recognize it and do not on most occasions react to it...but its been hard the last couple of weeks at work...good lord those dynamics aren't healthy but they are part of the human condition and need accepting!!!any way I'm up an off for a cold fresh walk and releasing all of that toxicity from my workplace ....

Arting and examining victim consciousness for the millionth time in my adulthood....

Autumn Butterfly......

Meandered through the park in my lunch break and sat down to breathe and soak up the season......the wind was carrying leaves in gusts and mini avalanches as I sat....the trees were all golden and the sun shone and there was a beautiful brown and red winged butterfly .....she could only be seen when the leaves settled as she didn't settle straight away but fluttered down onto a leaf lying on the floor.It  was only a moment before my attention flitted and I lost sight of her in the medley of leaves....but it was beautiful....The moment reminded me of how nice it is just to sit and be... and have the time to see something as beautiful in a quiet non active way....
This 50th year of mine has been amazing....I had the intention it would be a right of passage for me and did plan to experience an assortment of stuff....I am reminded I've been living at a pretty fast paced rate since my last blip and the amazing energy I've had....I ve achieved soo much and had such a lot of leave .... my cazzy soul feels healed but I don't want to forget what I'm learning on my journey.
-Being in better condition physically is essential for a sense of well being. Routines important to making it a part of every day life this includes strengthening mind and body through yoga and the aerobic zing from a little dance or run.
-Art is a fab way of loosing myself to flow time...so is yoga but my art is all mine and totally non judged and open to whatever I want to do.O.k I love making the odd thing for others but I love documenting my life with art and photos and processing difficult emotions with it ....Art + food + water = essentials of life.
-music is like a vitamin....the right type at the right time or just a dose at the right time is so mood boosting.. body energizing..and especially 'our Jack' as music that expresses a life journey or tells stories feeds my soul.
- work can be toxic...not those we support that feels like a working life with purpose...but the team dynamics, the deadlines and pace of change and uncertainty giving rise to all sorts of folks behaving in all sorts of ways! it can make me poorly emotionally and physically...and I must keep an eye on myself and practice self care.
-Adventures....at least one a year...although more this year... gives me a sense of confidence and a sense of acceptance of anything that comes my way. ..it also makes me aware of the patterns of behaviour I could do to change but also gives the option for just accepting them as shortcomings. ... (I've loads of those....).... hey little autumn butterfly thank you x

Faithless - Why Go? ft. Estelle ... yay for the 'don't walk dance' attitude...

GOT THAT FRIDAY FEELIN'....I love my long weekends

Always feeling very grateful for what I have but that's not to say I don't have to acknowledge that passing thoughts and feelings that challenge me aren't painful or potentially damaging to a here and now kind of optimism I'm holding onto...it's useful to reflect on it but not dwell on every thought and feeling ... The weekend is always welcome and I'm awash with energy after a little blip, an increase in thyroxine and iron and the boundless giddiness that comes from my 'don't walk dance' mind set at the moment ! Feeling as if I want to grab a hold of this time when energies run high bop my socks off walk in the sunshine....or the drizzle  ( we do get a lot of that!)
Things are going o.k. (I'm not dwelling on the not so o.k), mum's recovering, I've a round a week off work each month until November,and I've a birthday tea part planned for celebrating being 50.... Just a little redirection in regards to finding the calm in the highness needed! and reconnecting creatively and at kula as I miss them and being in the flow in a peaceful way....

Longtime no post.....

I am too grateful to allow negativity or anxiety to creep in at the moment.... grateful for my life, a renewal of energy (thanks to a little ferrous and a short course of treatment that seemed to polish off some 'malingering thingy') and my lovely family and buddies..I'm sleeping over at mums tonight as she's the one we are focusing our thoughts on and around....it's just the prep tomoz but I imagine she's a bit unnerved well I can feel it but no drama about my stuff, in relation to her stuff,as my energy needs to focus in a positive way towards her healing and recovery the week after next.My critical self says "take those rose tinted spectacles off gal" (and a few other selfdepricating things) "start to worry" , "you should be anxious" "what if ...." but I know thats not a useful mindset. I wanna put it out there and ask the universe to take good care of her when she has this next procedure cos that's all that really matters right now....I can say it in my head a zillion times but to blog it gives the vibe some momentum.......
I love,unconditionally, that amaze balls mother of mine that brought me into this world, that weathered,with us and often on behalf of us, bumpy and downright rotten times and ultimatley after all that instilled hope and a sense of magic so deep in my soul that whenever the shit hits the fan if I dig deep I find it. Her "open your heart" guidance and poetry rings around in my head.. the specifics of which are stashed away in corners of my memory and on memorabilia that has helped me gather a strength and a sense of self esteem that has been my saviour over the years..and her stoic Yorkshire grit well its still something I feel I can only aspire too ... so I'm staying focused on my mum and know her guardian angel is watching over her taking care of her every step of the way.....and I'll be there too ... I am quietening this mind so there's only space for calm,peaceful n loving thoughts in my head...... love you mum and trusting the universe , oh and the medical staff of course night night sleep tight....xxxxx

A little Mandala play

Loved simple painting on some white stones I picked up from the seaside....still enjoying playing with some celtic designs although they certainly require a bit more focused working rather than the free flow creative energy I love to immerse myself in ....deciding which bit goes over or under....I favour the swirly spiral ones  but fell in love with triskele design kinda liked the two parts to it and didn't get to lost!...so they've featured in all my journal pages...A sunny blessed weekend where a simple life proves to be the best listening to a some African vibes ( Daby Toure, cheikh lo, geoff Oramayo, papa wembe and of course youssay!) and enjoying a little creative time to myself after a lovely long walk with my Chel n a sit in the garden in the sunshine with Mel and Chel....life is sweet and kind ...

A lovely free flow creation of mandalas

Spring is nearly here....

.... The season changes and although the air is still pretty fresh and a touch of frost or even snow isn't out of the question...its beautiful. The mornings are lighter the sunshine is more frequently visible than not and we are moving into an active phase of the year....
So today's me marvelous day off...I very nearly sacrificed to ride the rough seas and it's not out of the question that I may have to return to a full time working life...but that's okay I can handle it if needs must!
I am loving creating Mandalas in my journalling and today post my postcard mandala swap. I continue to be inspired and encouraged by Catherine Costa in 100 mandalas.Have been painting n creating lots of stuff not it's been great to get into the flow.

I have booked my first meditation workshop as this year as I set out to explore and focus on practicing and committing to it.A little apprehensive about the word commitment to this as so much changes in a working week. It feels like focusing on simply getting through a working day, eat, drink as selfcare in amongst a medly if other folks also prioritising their needs is pretty challenging but I am managing and only a month left of been betwixt work places then we will see what those choppy seas have in store for us yet again and how dynamics shift in some high winds!
I am so grateful for the better energy and strength thats come about from increasing my fitness .... again it takes quite a bit of planning but I am maintaining a good 4 -5 mixed sessions a week of aerobic and stretchy toning exercise!  Discovering the local liesure centre has been a real asset! So hey the right chemicals to survive my modern day life are swooshing around my body and brain and its not too exhausting when approached with a bit of balance ! So I welcome spring in with this little check in on my progress.... A little revisit to my 2015 word PRACTICE .....xxx

acoustic version........ love it

Staying Well........

So another very restless night but managed to sleep a little ...

Sooo time tooooo.....
 1. Remember I have resilience.
 2. Focus on being more mindful and bring a meditative quality to my everyday life actions...breathe stretch draw, paint sew, dance , sing just be in the moment and practice it in a 'simple way' every moment possible.
 3.Exercise e.g. yoga, gentle run,walk anything fun and paced... 4. Be aware the old thyroid could be playing up again... or it might be hormonal!so if this all persists bit of acupuncture and prob some more levels need doing.
5.Stress Less...set boundaries sometimes it isn't 'my storm' .Remember to love x
 5. Go back to bed, stay in bed when insomnia hits... use my 'Sleep Journal' at those times too if need to get it all out there... remember the day always starts again ....
 6.If I get poorly I will have to opt out for a while... and that's o.k too sometimes you've just gotta fully surrender... and give yourself the care and attention you need to survive and return to the high and rough seas.

Jack Savoretti - Home....3 weeks and countin' ...

Our Jack Savoretti 'mixed up' ..... nice vibe - Solitude

George Ezra - Listen to the Man

George Ezra - Listen to the Man: http://youtu.be/ZS0WvzRVByg

Early riser......

Couldn't sleep...tried but mind too active and a little blog therapy needed...... grateful for so many things this week and focusing on these minimizes the thoughts about the things that could and would disturb me ..
Grateful for:
-Getting to yoga in the snow as felt grounded.
-Having such a laugh with Chel about his 'bedroom glasses' ...and all sorts of other stuff despite him facing the prospect of redundancy yet again.
-Had a walk n a couple of chilled hours at the pub....
-Smiled mi way through a Zumba class ran 5k  and felt fab....
-Booked a cheapie break at Edinburgh festival  for me n chel and another hot tub experience for mum n me ( the money will show up somehow... If not what the hell you only live the one sweet time.... )
-Painted and bopped and baked whilst listening to my fave music....yep gotta be a bit of Jack....moved through various feelings = feels great.