Longtime no post.....

I am too grateful to allow negativity or anxiety to creep in at the moment.... grateful for my life, a renewal of energy (thanks to a little ferrous and a short course of treatment that seemed to polish off some 'malingering thingy') and my lovely family and buddies..I'm sleeping over at mums tonight as she's the one we are focusing our thoughts on and around....it's just the prep tomoz but I imagine she's a bit unnerved well I can feel it but no drama about my stuff, in relation to her stuff,as my energy needs to focus in a positive way towards her healing and recovery the week after next.My critical self says "take those rose tinted spectacles off gal" (and a few other selfdepricating things) "start to worry" , "you should be anxious" "what if ...." but I know thats not a useful mindset. I wanna put it out there and ask the universe to take good care of her when she has this next procedure cos that's all that really matters right now....I can say it in my head a zillion times but to blog it gives the vibe some momentum.......
I love,unconditionally, that amaze balls mother of mine that brought me into this world, that weathered,with us and often on behalf of us, bumpy and downright rotten times and ultimatley after all that instilled hope and a sense of magic so deep in my soul that whenever the shit hits the fan if I dig deep I find it. Her "open your heart" guidance and poetry rings around in my head.. the specifics of which are stashed away in corners of my memory and on memorabilia that has helped me gather a strength and a sense of self esteem that has been my saviour over the years..and her stoic Yorkshire grit well its still something I feel I can only aspire too ... so I'm staying focused on my mum and know her guardian angel is watching over her taking care of her every step of the way.....and I'll be there too ... I am quietening this mind so there's only space for calm,peaceful n loving thoughts in my head...... love you mum and trusting the universe , oh and the medical staff of course night night sleep tight....xxxxx