Darker shades of light.....

The quick check ins for morning pages is proving to be realistic and a good way of being aware of how powerful feelings and thoughts can be over what seems like truth and this creates an awareness of patterns and how 'truth' can change ... and although Ive known my thoughts are powerful things its nice to breakdown my self created therapeutic process into stages and see how powerful that process can be! soooo everyday journal pages are still full of gratitude and generate positivity which I need soo very much in the strange challenging world that is my working life.Yes I'm triggered by the negative talk and emotion and my own suspicious thoughts about the motivations of the people i work with ...how funny this seems but it feels real and very stressfull! Im examining some specifics in my shadow work and dreams journal ....my resilience is about managing this and having the energy to do my actual work and stay well. The 2 days that are the most difficult are the noisiest,when there are a lot of staff in and also when we have to sit together and try to make decisions....boy it's 'the way it is' I have no control over it and can accept thats the case...i feel i might slip into trying to please everyone which is a dangerous and very stressfull place to be and another facet of the shadow i have thought about..also the changes are pretty scarey so i am actually frightened ...but you know change is change and I'm focusing on what could go right ...but the what might go wrong hangs over me like a dark cloud. I 'notice' a lot and am trying to culture an observers perspective rather than allow it to confuse and upset me...some folks are happier about the changes and those people are easier to be around when they are happy... but I anticipate and can see the beginning of some severe storms and have my life jacket handy....abandoning ship is an option! and it has crossed my mind a couple of times this weekend but the age old saying, and risk, of moving  "out of the chip pan into the fire" comes to mind! Some shadow work journaling was interesting unpicking what I struggle with in others as a very real part of me ...and exploring the qualities of 'envy' as a feeling and the acknowledgement of the thoughts this might generate personally hoping to work toward a shift in my perceptions over time...it's only dynamics....I have some lovely sanctuaries thank you universe xxx