...more thoughts for EOAJ Water week

FREEDOM .............. this is what comes to mind as a result of my sitting with the feelings I have.In the first instance i think i just wish to be free of all the thinking..the tense head and tiredness! hey some days are good somedays less good.However, I know it's because things have got to change...things really have got to change and they will...............


I sat last night and free wrote on my journal pages and the feelings found there way onto the pages in the form of words like...
FEAR of so many things........these could potentially could rule my life but i usually manage this feeling well nowadays.. That's o.k I recognize that and have done for many years and i'm pleased with the way i've evolved ..with a lot of work can i say.. to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'...i was well conditioned and also had a few experiences as a child and young woman that potentially reinforces my FEAR.

FRUSTRATION with my limits rather than other people's.Expressing myself verbally is potentially a real challenge in certain situations...I am surrounded by some very strong personalities and it's hard to feel as I am heard.I just have to accept and acknowledge I am responsible for being heard if i really need to be.

GRATITUDE for my life is the other big feeling.I have this life and I have a small circle of people who love me and really know me, i'm blessed to have had a child, to be a mother and to have a home and employment that earns me a living.

DESIRE to change some things in my life coupled with the FRUSTRATION of perhaps not quite being sure of how to do that....(boy i need fire ! to fuel that DESIRE but it is a feeling i've had in the past and i've made things happen... how did i get this far without that ...)

It's soo important, just as Effy says, to think of the positive personal qualities we have when completing our exercise for water week..everyone has these qualities...they're often very individual and can be the simplest unseen things ... I want to acknowledge that ever since i was a wee girl i had the amazing abilty to create and imagine stuff.....esecially to transform negativity into positivity...o.k as a grown up that ability has evolved and has been challenged but do you know it is something about me that persists! It doesn't mean i'm always happy, and some people do not understand me and they don't like it ... it does take energy and time and reflection and 'imagination' most times but it's how i want to live my life...i feel meloncholy,sad,hurt, envious and angry, but there's this warmth inside somewhere deep inside that generates 'something' that stops those difficult feelings being bigger than i am ...it is my friend and I am sooo grateful to it....I am sooo grateful to MY ABILITY TO TRANSFORM MY OWN NEGATIVITY INTO POSITIVITY....
gotta start shining.....