EOAJ Spirit Week - progress so far

It is the final guided week for Elements ....although self guided study continues and Jeanette House is available to those self studying....sooo pretty tempting to stay on....I have really enjoyed elements it's been a super journey....I have moved from passivity to a more energetic state...and some pretty great things have happened along the way.I think alongside 'my' changing 'my life' is going to change too! For this week I wanted to create pages underpinned by 'beloved angels', Michael, Chamuel, and Hadraniel .However, the quest was on to find a goddess or saint that embodied these angelic qualities for me right now. I connect with irish celtic roots...i am told there are irish family roots on my paternal side but i cannot be sure about these as my grandparents left very little 'story'.... however, I came across 'Brighid' and loved her resilience and qualities and with her in mind I created my page goddess to embody the quality i most want to see in myself, that of confidence...not human confidence from the 'ego self' but a 'divine' confidence, allowing me to express my truth when i need to, live an authentic life and accept myself and who i am ...... I loved creating this page ....the colours are not those i would usually choose to representive spirit..i tend to thinkof transparent purples, hazy/ fluffy finishes and white but my Brighid had gleaming green eyes and a ruby red flurry of hair in celtic styled knots...she is surounded by birds perching and in flight...they are free and she has an air of calm confidence about her I adore....i wish to add a mirror element to the page as i loved the idea of seeing oneself in the page ...my mosaic mirror pieces are on their way and i'll be sticking them in my page shortly until then here she is............

Water Page EOAJ

As I created my page i remember the wise guidance from Sheila ..in fact for a moment i thought i needed her guidance again ...i remember this lovely piece about whirlpools and do you know it made so much sense to me ... I simply went down and stayed still enough to slip out at the bottom... aways a little scary on the way down but hey....i also remember my mums heart felt words of 'It will pass'..things can feel so raw so intense but 'they do pass'.

Whirlpools
In rivers, particularly when they are flooded, in the rains,
many whirlpools are created, very powerful and strong.
The water moves round and round like a screw.
If you are caught in it,you will be forced,
pulled towards the bottom,and the deeper you go the stronger the whirl becomes.
The natural tendancy of the ego is to fight with it.Of course because it looks like death,
and the ego is very much afraid of death.
The ego tries to fight with the whirl,
and if you fight with the whirl in a flooded river,
or near a water fall where many whirls exist you are lost,
because the whirl is very strong,you cannot fight with it.
Violence won't do-
the more you fight with it the weaker you become
because the whirl keeps on pulling you,and you are fighting.
With each effort to fight you are losing energy.Soon you will be tired and the whirl will suck you downwards.
And this is the phenomenon of the whirl:
on the surface the whirl is big:the deeper you go the smaller and smaller the whirl becomes-
stronger but smaller.
and nearly at the bottom the whirl is sooo small
You can simply get out of it with no fight.
In fact the whirl itself throws you out, near the bottom.
But you have to wait for the bottom.
If you start fighting on the surface you are done,
you cannot survive.
Source: The Grass GrowsBy itself: Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

What has happenned to my MOJO?

I want to blub and blub and blub! i could be so very negative and just pour forth with a multitude of non useful thoughts but do need some emotional release all come from a very self defeated part of me...and the little girl part of me that was always told how little confidence she had at school..those teachers voices are so loud and clear in my head right now...yes that wee girl is still present in this 46 year old woman!I have lost my confidence in myself and my abilities and yet i kind of know i'm o.k and can be gently confident... but I have just had it verbally fed back to me after an interview......and became aware of it as i lost momentum and started to disappear into a whirlpool.. of lostness during the interview!i am sort of grateful for the learning that will come from this but hearing it from others is hard.....Hoping some life coaching with Effy and some long awaited changes in my life will move my journey forth.....EOAJ Fire week i am soooo needing you to stoke those embers and get that energy moving!I am just finishing off my Water page and will post as soon as it is completed.Thankyou for listening universe.

...more thoughts for EOAJ Water week

FREEDOM .............. this is what comes to mind as a result of my sitting with the feelings I have.In the first instance i think i just wish to be free of all the thinking..the tense head and tiredness! hey some days are good somedays less good.However, I know it's because things have got to change...things really have got to change and they will...............


I sat last night and free wrote on my journal pages and the feelings found there way onto the pages in the form of words like...
FEAR of so many things........these could potentially could rule my life but i usually manage this feeling well nowadays.. That's o.k I recognize that and have done for many years and i'm pleased with the way i've evolved ..with a lot of work can i say.. to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'...i was well conditioned and also had a few experiences as a child and young woman that potentially reinforces my FEAR.

FRUSTRATION with my limits rather than other people's.Expressing myself verbally is potentially a real challenge in certain situations...I am surrounded by some very strong personalities and it's hard to feel as I am heard.I just have to accept and acknowledge I am responsible for being heard if i really need to be.

GRATITUDE for my life is the other big feeling.I have this life and I have a small circle of people who love me and really know me, i'm blessed to have had a child, to be a mother and to have a home and employment that earns me a living.

DESIRE to change some things in my life coupled with the FRUSTRATION of perhaps not quite being sure of how to do that....(boy i need fire ! to fuel that DESIRE but it is a feeling i've had in the past and i've made things happen... how did i get this far without that ...)

It's soo important, just as Effy says, to think of the positive personal qualities we have when completing our exercise for water week..everyone has these qualities...they're often very individual and can be the simplest unseen things ... I want to acknowledge that ever since i was a wee girl i had the amazing abilty to create and imagine stuff.....esecially to transform negativity into positivity...o.k as a grown up that ability has evolved and has been challenged but do you know it is something about me that persists! It doesn't mean i'm always happy, and some people do not understand me and they don't like it ... it does take energy and time and reflection and 'imagination' most times but it's how i want to live my life...i feel meloncholy,sad,hurt, envious and angry, but there's this warmth inside somewhere deep inside that generates 'something' that stops those difficult feelings being bigger than i am ...it is my friend and I am sooo grateful to it....I am sooo grateful to MY ABILITY TO TRANSFORM MY OWN NEGATIVITY INTO POSITIVITY....
gotta start shining.....

EOAJ Water week

I am a sitting with the 'deeper flow of emotion' right now in relation to my thoughts for water week.I revisit these feelings regularly..my eyes have watery glaze and my face and temples ache.. tired with all the thought and energy this takes... some down time is needed.I want to light a candle and relax in a lavender scented room with a snuggle blanket listening to some deeply relaxing music....i'm a little at sea and need to find myself a rope or life jacket!......... tapping into some universal love is what i need to do right now and I know there's an abundant supply out there it's just about quietening those 'fast running waters'and fitting myself with a suitable bouyancy aid ..i can see it reflecting off the waters surface i just need to 'doggy paddle' over and feel it...xxxxx

'Love is the only thing that is 'really' real'

EOAJ Air Week

This weeks art journalling feels as if it has really 'got things moving' for me.I now have a copy of Deborah Lipps,The Way of Four...it's a revelation! going that bit deeper into to understanding the elements and how they relate to my personality and some of the issues in my life is pretty breath taking.The week has been one of serendipitous happennings... in relation to my journey with the elements this was exploring the fifth Chakra (throat Chakra) which i've still to finish an art journalling page on...It was a powerful realisation that this chakra is of major significance to me and my attention to balancing it a really important part of my journey.I made an error with my heat gun in my art journalling that resulted in the and the 'breathe' page and 'throat Chakra' page becoming stuck together...result was i had a deep space in the nasal passage of the drawing in my first page and what i call an 'exploding chakra' on the next page!! ..sounds a little off beat i know but thats how i saw it! and i perceived it with a little magical thinking as usual(the 'harmless Cazzy' sort of magical thinking)and it affirmed where i was at with this journey. I then found myself with a copy 'Spell book' by Deborah Lipp as well as the one we are using to explore the elements...that seemed to have significance as well and real food for thought.Exploring my elemental balance it was no surprise to me, and probably everyone who knows me, that my strongest element is 'water' followed by a small and even score of'earth' and 'air' with a weakness in 'fire'.
Pheww what a week of mindful thought and contemplation quite exhausting emotionally but stimulating to my enquiring mind.


Love to you Effy more gratitude vibing your wayxxxxxxxxxxxxx