Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Recapping on the Journey.....

Had the most amazing walk yesterday which tired Chel and I out....the sun was out the air was fresh there wasn't a raindrop in sight ....water was high around the pond and fast running in all the little streams ...we're lucky because 3 miles in another direction the river has flooded it's banks and Kirkstall was under water! I selfishly didn't even think about this at the time and was more grateful for the feeling of wellness I have...a bit weak but  able to walk and get out of the house. This christmas I had a lurgy.. the 'toilet Kind'!  It was bloody awful and not eating for 5 days doesn't suit a 50 years young woman I would've got a buzz from that at 18 years old (that's was another phase now not worth recapping on)  but boy not now! Dioralyte cocktails were like nectar ...citrus flavour the best ....I've read Paulo Coelho The Alchemist and listened to the audible Philemena and am looking forward to another week of reading...since recovering more I prepped a new recycled journal for next year and another more dreamy delicate one and decided to keep a mood journal too (just fancied doing that although usually randomly reflect in this way in my sleep and nvc journal I thought I'd give it some focus in one journal for 2016...gosh I have book to draw and write in in every corner of my home I can sit still in....thst is heavenly ! I also arted a lot around the build up to the full moon on 25/12/15....that was nice and created some mandalas with each magicmoon that was real flow time I loved it. During this time I did reflect on my feelings and my purpose and happiness levels as part of mapping out 2015's journey and my focus for 2016.I'm happy when not at work and know deep down I'm not happy at work... I think there are a lot of unhappy people at work I know because they constantly emmitt negativity. ..and I soak negativity up like a sponge I wish I didn't and I try all sorts of strategies to try to stop it getting to me but it seeps in eventually.I don't want to change job,I actually love the client work and it feels purposeful so that isnt on the cards.I do however wish to find my souls purpose and then retire early in 5 years.. .there needs to be to practical steps taken and a plan in order to do this.I do continue to learn a lot about myself ....I'm so full of flaws ( human heart flaws! ) I struggle to change them and accepting and surrendering to them is central to this years progress...its been kinda wearing trying to challenge and change them ...but especially painful in the work environment . A bit of fresh air ,yoga and time alone helps build resilience but only ameliorates the unhappiness I feel there with the people I work with and I'm sorry about that and wish I could change it ....but I cannot ....the best I can hope to do is simply manage the situation learn more about myself, examine my judgments, illuminate others judgemental attitudes, build personal resilience, prepare and explore my souls desires and dreams for the next part of my journey....a 5 year plan in the making.I need the universe's love and support sooooo very much and am holding my hands out to receive ....thank you universe.

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Aad Guray Nameh - Snatam Kaur / EyedreamDesign artwork (series 1)

I could play this comforting mantra on repeat.... feel myself drift to a good place in my mind and body and forget I'm part of the uncomfortable vibrations I feel at work...guess that would defeat  the object of culturing peace within and being able to take it with you wherever you go in whatever you I will try to get on track again as have misplaced my centre ....drawing some mandalas....going real real slow this weekend and lots of hugs this weekend has helped me to be in a slightly more insightful place and acknowledge the only drama that really exists is the drama I create in me.....thats what I've noticed when using a little observers consciousness...and I need to process some of the hurt i'm covering with my defensive outerwear but hey awareness is the a start to changing and managing myself.... embracing and accepting it or trying tooooo