Saturday, 27 May 2017

Attending n reflecting on 'humanbeingness'

A lot is happening around us all ....'humanbeingness' in transition gosh its a surreal world at the moment...and will be for a long time I what to do with oneself when potentially feeling sadenned and helpless about the state of the world? The death of children all iver tge world the brainwashing and marginalising if very vulnerable human beings and some of the most powerful blinkered politicians running infecting the worlds wound even more....Focus on the positive? the helpers the artists, musicians and some politicians do get that we cannot put up walls and become silos!  so much sense and love can come through their dialogue...whilst not diregarding the negative ...meditate and let fear and any strong emotions pass ...avoid overanalysing and overidentifying with an awareness of how polarising this can be .... but empathise yes really think what it might be like for all not just the groups and communities we see ourselves as being a part if...meditate and breathe send love out into the world being mindful that loving and healing oneself might be all one can do  sometimes and if we stand together in love perhaps we can start to heal this gaping wound we have in our world in 'humanbeingness' eventually.

Friday, 12 May 2017

The 'sweetlife' of the brighter seasons

Life is amazingly sweet at the moment weve just had full moon for May ...I was emotional and tired with this one.. when i was hoping for a surge in energy as I had with the April one..Of course it all  passes but its lovely relishing this here and now of scrumptiousness.I have my rose tinted spectacles propped up on my head but am not actually viewing the world through them the moment there's a lot of stuff going on in the world that needs out attention, love and healing and I'm accepting responsibility for healing me and continuing to be healthy whilst in service of others...I've potentially 3 more years to go before early retirement...I can do this!
I'm grateful for :
The stage of life I''m at....its odd saying that because I don't sleep sooo good due to the hot flushes but I've surrendered to this as a given and the strains of life (namely working life)...I may fluff myself up and give my ego a stage at a later date but being a women no longer feeling as if I'm 'bleeding to death' (its been nearly 6 months...although I'm as prepared as possible if it happens again!) and still relishing my creative cycle in tune with full and new moons is liberating.Negativity can creep in every now and again when put pressure on myself to be who I'm not and/or I compare myself to the aesthetically pleasing material world and its values for women and I've to check in spiritually to balance that.I have the odd moments of a relapse into mind numbing distraction but more often than not I'm taking myself off to my yoga mat or listening to some beautiful chants or devotional music to keep me on track I'm evolving and creating a different reality I think....not a bubble to contain myself in but daily practices rooted in stillness,breathing and generating a strength that honours my truth... I believe all of us can nurture this in ourselves in one way or another and Im content that I'm exploring this at only half a century young (nooooo not giving myself a hard time at not doing it when I was younger, there were other things to heal and build then ).
May is going to be a gentle month where I take stock, build on my home yoga and meditation practice and sleep early to improve my health and stamina for June...gosh June is mapped out to be an amazingly adventurous month....I'm going on a retreat on my own!...Yes I'm excited yes a little apprehensive but I am doing it...and I'm honouring myself as a woman and all that has gone before me by doing it ...its my own little right of passage into this next stage of life.

Friends and healers in my life...especially the holistic health boosters courtesy from my lovely friend and acupuncturist Cheryl and homeopathy from a lovely ex work colleague Linda and a new kundalini yoga practice that I'm journeying on. Relationships are funny old things I'm feeling the love but not conditional love ...Loving mum isn't bond with her is un breakable and am sooo grateful to her for sooo much but she's my mirror for all that I find fault for in myself and my dark childhood experiences and the baggage I still carry with me that I continue to open up to and touch with gentleness and acceptance..It isn't easy for me to recognise it as that but that is what it is when I feel triggered or confused or upset.

Myself for taking care of me I've such a young niave spirit that needs a lot of taking care of inside me as an adult sometimes she comes to me when I meditate and I have to pause and just let her sit with me and breathe with her have a little cry with her and reassure she's loved and its all gonna be o.k. ...we are o.k.
I still art a lot and its my true way of expressing myself...words and communicating with others is possible but I'm never sure anyone really gets me...there's always stuff in the way 'agendas ' their stuff, my stuff, not enough time, them having to give me instructions tell me what to to do and My not wanting to say noooo but being aware of my boundaries and I'm better than ever at thinking about balancing my needs or at least saying I'll give it a go but may have to hollar whoooa (hey little people pleaser whatever happened to you ?)I love the wmen I see in the groups I go to they're lovely folks and they make my world too.The Belly dance class is a hoot and such a lovely way to move and be with other women...Zumba bumba (I call it that because I am 50 something and do a bit more bumba than zumba sometimes ) is fab toooo there's some amazing women 60 plus  doing it I love these gatherings of all abilities,ages,shapes and sizes I can feel a part of that ...its beautiful.

My awareness of the Challenges.What is a challenge is the challenge of extreme thinking patterns that are evident in this crazy world and how we heal or contribute to the bringing together of the human race and mother earth and nature rather than perpetuating all the separateness...gosh there's  lot more to it than that I know I'm no economist and I'm here on this little Island living my life where I've a roof over my head and food in my belly and a job, I've raised my child and count my blessings and accept the other stuff because its part of this life but I don't live in a war zone, I'm not persecuted, I can live alongside otherness that respects the human rights of others and generally fosters kindness and compassion as central to its that changing? I will have my say and we will all be voting again on this little Island for what it is worth...and please universe can there be a chink of light breaking through here...this world we ive is should be getting smaller with more connectivity not separated to perpetuate those that have wealth .... but we all see stuff differently so whatever comes next comes next......

Saturday, 8 April 2017

Monday, 27 March 2017

Mothers day

Mothers mindfull that  everyday id like to be mindful of 'mother' liness and feel the connection to the mother in the wider universe the earth and myself and others...its more than simply one day and a superficial way of celebrating although dont get me wrong thats gooood toooo ... sooo this year.. this weekend has been a few days of the whole cycle of mother and creativity ive loved all if it and today is my 'nest day'....where i sit in one if my restorative spaces nurture myself with tea meditation and some journalling and drawing .....after a great 2 days of full on company... beautiful company on a womens quest retreat day, a Jack Savoretti concert and meal with my gorgeous boys....and to.orrow i will be honouring my own mother and spending time being with her....Now im listening to Haseya in my pyjamas burning some Nag champs feeling 'home' this is the amazingness of ageing and evolving into the croan i adore being over 50 years old it is the coming of wiseness and a peaceful inner world Ive only ever dreamt of as being possible .....Happy Mothers Day Universe.... gratitude overflows in this weee soul xxx

Friday, 24 February 2017

Heaven on earth

Gosh just settling nicely after all that has passed.Sharons funeral...poorly spells, confused psyche,observing the crazy world.....'beam me up Scotty' .... listening to some lovely music this morning managed a short morning ritual of gentle spine warming kundalini interspersed with meditative moments and some warrior my fleecy PJ'S with the patio doors open the cold inter air on my face and yes the sun shining.....thankyou univerze this is a slice of heaven on earth I want to tuck away into the memory box in my mind to return to when discombobulated...grateful for this precious life xxxc

Sunday, 15 January 2017

4.30 a.m. calls

A few hot flashes tonight and an increased awareness of a root issue that I want to art out in my shadow journal.I know my hardwiring comes from my childhood of learning I had to be responsible from a very young age and its cool... I get it.. but ive a real desire to art in an onion layered layout in respect of how some of my major life experiences have created the way I 'feel' things and the 'patterns of thought' and 'behaviour' they give rise tooo... sooo this weekend I'm sat with fear in the main....fear around the family history of suicide and the addictive personality traits of a lot of us females in the family, some anxiety rushes through me when I think of mum and my perception of her 'withdrawal from whats happening' around my cousins death.I revisit the well understood feelings and self doubt that I should've in some way done more for all those I've lost including some of my patients and my babies. . but it's tempered with a knowing that I couldn't and the guilt does not get in the way of my loving myself the individuals I've lost and wanting to honour them.Im also really grateful for sharing yoga with Julia (especially ....thankyou sweetie) and a new group of people at the course I'm going to and if course the mutual love shared with my Chel....however here I am at 4.30 a.m. with my cat sat on my meditation cushion with a hot cacoa n almond hey its already sounding like another slice of heaven  .... thankyou for my life and my ever evolving human journey...peri menapause is proving to be a rather enlightening experience.. time to draw n journal a little xxx

Monday, 9 January 2017

My prayer for you

A mothers prayer for all us girls in my family but especially for my cousin Sharon who will soon join her mum and dad in peace ....... she knows she's loved and she can let go of all that held her body and mind in pain in this earthly life ...she has a gentle fun loving soul who only wanted love like all of do and my childhood memories of her as an innocent wee girl fill me with sadness that her life wasn't different, she was a pretty little orchid, but I can accept this sadness and replace it with love...and I love her now and for eternity. "