..soo following my first page setting the theme as resilience for this year.. this is where my 'everyday art journal 'road' has taken me over the last 3 weeks.... the dreams and shadow work is something very different to this journal.....here I journal scratching the surface of my life with awareness but not to much self inquiry ... It's a sort of processing of everyday stuff a way to practice gratitude generate some positive vibes to carry me on .. offer me some affirmation that promotes my health and well being....acknowledging the everyday resilience I m soooo grateful for ....the deeper stuff is a more awakening journey and somewhere they will overlap,I think, as it seemed to this month with an increased awareness of how fear blocks ..... so I do plan to do a little more with 'my hardwired fears' cosseted by some therapeutic mandala work that enables a sort of safety circle in which to explore the shadows and the light .. the yin and yang... theres something symbolically safe and comforting about the whole represented when working with mandalas.... and i love it ...so not as much t.v. or online searching.... yep some overworking at my paid job (yikes it's a given ) lovely group yoga short walks, adorable companionship of chel, morning pages and caring for a very poorly on 3 of her 9 lives puddy cat... a mixture of sadness, fear and other uncomfortable feelings .....some tiredness and an acceptance of it all as it is the way it is.... x
Sunday, 24 January 2016
Alcohol marker faces collaged onto ink intense backgrounds with mandalas ....water color and prisma penciled eye that was nice to do am also hoping to find a way to collage this image onto some mixed media paper ....more layers coming and some words for conscious collage group....I don't posses glossy mags for collage so am collaging my own images previously created and then going with it....hey its about being creative with what you've got x
Thursday, 21 January 2016
Monday, 18 January 2016
These are messy dark pages with wiggly and wordy contentand strange mandalas and dispersed fragmented bits of divine! I'd used some nvc principles to explore and start to process some difficult emotions that I'd sat with until I journalled about them last week in one of my 'free writers'..I'd questions about whether it was envy that made me feel cross and hard done by...it didn't really sit comfortably. I felt it was about something inside of me that I needed to acknowledge and it was useless to look at others ...despite wishing perhaps others might miraculously be a lot nicer! Although i have to say the situation changes like the tide and the sea and was a out gently lulling for a couple of days last week until I experienced my own 'storm in a teacup' on Friday! Anyway I decided it was 'a yearning ' rather than envy ... dabbling and questioning it helped me get there...I found Benne and Sheates dysfunctional team roles was illuminating and lead to my feeling less like taking things personally or thinking it was my responsibility to put it right in some way which was a relief! ..and of course I also saw myself in the dysfunction as the help seeker and felt very aware of the immobilising effect feeling helpless or in need of help and limited in how to satisfy that 'perceived need' is when it seems like a bottomless pit of helplessness! ....now there's a little more to that and I will explore it as I go more into the shadows as I believe it's only the tip if the iceberg... However for me its about working with it and finding some 'personal 'solutions' at a practical level as I need to function in this crazy environment for at least another 5 years ...so I will continue to take my lessons as they come .... understanding it and journalling about it helps it along and with lots of lovely yoga last week and some gorgeous music by snatam I found enough divine to get through!
Sunday, 17 January 2016
I felt the need to describe and maybe explore a little facet of me that I feel has served me well in surviving and being resilient in the past and in acknowledging this i wonder where it might take me....sooo art journal pages here are around angels and the divine.I do believe that just as my imagination, sensitivity and over active thinking has lead to some challenging brain drain it has also served me well over the years.. from being able to alter my own dreams and nightmares whilst dreaming them to imaging being held safely in the wings of my protective angel when distressed or unable to sleep Ive had an ability to think myself out of patterns that don't help me or seem to distress me since being a little girl..my imagination and belief in a positive,loving and powerful force has helped turn distressing thoughts and patterns of thoughts around and comfort me through them ....i adore this part of the human condition as we are all capable of it and it is central to my resilience.Im aware in the reality of this crazy world many would seek to criticize or even laugh about it and I have a shadow part of me that has been well and truly illuminated on and been put in its place does this tooo.... im honouring my angels in my pages today.My inner world is often my reality and im sooo grateful for this wee quality thats served me sooo well over the years and probably saved me from emotional and character breakdown ! I'm not religious but I sometimes think this facet of resilience comes from a human need to 'have faith' 'hold hope' and believe in this bigger thing and it's what gets us through difficult times and might be what underpins humankind being attracted to following a religion or faith practice......
Monday, 11 January 2016
The quick check ins for morning pages is proving to be realistic and a good way of being aware of how powerful feelings and thoughts can be over what seems like truth and this creates an awareness of patterns and how 'truth' can change ... and although Ive known my thoughts are powerful things its nice to breakdown my self created therapeutic process into stages and see how powerful that process can be! soooo everyday journal pages are still full of gratitude and generate positivity which I need soo very much in the strange challenging world that is my working life.Yes I'm triggered by the negative talk and emotion and my own suspicious thoughts about the motivations of the people i work with ...how funny this seems but it feels real and very stressfull! Im examining some specifics in my shadow work and dreams journal ....my resilience is about managing this and having the energy to do my actual work and stay well. The 2 days that are the most difficult are the noisiest,when there are a lot of staff in and also when we have to sit together and try to make decisions....boy it's 'the way it is' I have no control over it and can accept thats the case...i feel i might slip into trying to please everyone which is a dangerous and very stressfull place to be and another facet of the shadow i have thought about..also the changes are pretty scarey so i am actually frightened ...but you know change is change and I'm focusing on what could go right ...but the what might go wrong hangs over me like a dark cloud. I 'notice' a lot and am trying to culture an observers perspective rather than allow it to confuse and upset me...some folks are happier about the changes and those people are easier to be around when they are happy... but I anticipate and can see the beginning of some severe storms and have my life jacket handy....abandoning ship is an option! and it has crossed my mind a couple of times this weekend but the age old saying, and risk, of moving "out of the chip pan into the fire" comes to mind! Some shadow work journaling was interesting unpicking what I struggle with in others as a very real part of me ...and exploring the qualities of 'envy' as a feeling and the acknowledgement of the thoughts this might generate personally hoping to work toward a shift in my perceptions over time...it's only dynamics....I have some lovely sanctuaries thank you universe xxx
Monday, 4 January 2016
I completed my journal for 2015 with a last page based on some reflections on my year and expressing gratitude for that amazing year....2016's word is Resilience and I completed the first page of my year journal with a simple spread in which i popped down the practices that keep me well and nurture some resilience in me at present....they are simple and I've itemised them before and they are now my pretty healthy routine of self care strategies like walking in nature, listening to music when relaxing, eating and drinking water regularly yoga,a little dancing etc and are becoming habits that are completely sustainable when I'm well...and just need refocusing on after my health blips.
I did 'dream' a little and set myself a goal that's achievable this year and that was to draw and paint more portraits and develop some more skill in this area.However there's no escaping that what is expected of me in my work and professional role I'm going to have to put time aside in my own life to meet the new guidelines and expectations.I say set time aside because I'm setting boundaries with regard to the amount of time and being specific with regards to what it's used for.I cannot be resentful about this or compare myself to others that fit it into their working day I simply have to get on with it and accept that for now that's what I'm going to have to do.So today on my day off I'm spending 1 hour (only) on a specific item of work resulting in my feeling less anxious when I return tomorrow..
I would love to commit to morning pages ... but this has to be in a realistic way and as part of a morning ritual.What stood in my way the last time I did this was time and tiredness! I have pushed myself in the past with morning pages but it put me off a little as I've enough pushing and pressure in my daily life once I enter my work environment and my home and creativity is my sanctuary ....soooo here's my idea morning pages will be a brief check in of how I'm feeling and an affirmation for the day that encourages me to start afresh and be Louise Hay based in focusing on a little self love....I will do this as I drink my morning cuppa...and fit in move a few body stretches and a down dog before dressing...to much change and a morning including more yoga and meditation might come with the lighter mornings in spring but right now I think this might be feasible! It's a start .....and I'm happy with that.
Sunday, 3 January 2016
Loved adding to this journal cover today.....it was raining outside and after a few givens I've had the pleasure of really deciding what it's gonna take to build my resilience and shadow work is going to be central to it....so my 3rd journal encourages my holding that space .