Saturday, 31 December 2016

Gratefully neuralgic to life?

Well I am pretty Neuralgic in the facial department at the moment around 4 days of worsening pain in waves throughout the day.... "would like to cry like a wee babe'  when I allow myself to dwell on whether I am just allergic to life? Well suffering and pain is all part of being human so I am surrendering as I can't do anything else...and I feel it will be transitory.. I'm hopeful it will be ....I've rustled up some aconite my wheat pack and the love from my good man (Chella you're my hero lovey).
Am sooo grateful for all that this year has brought even if I don't see the clock chime at midnight in a jolly way with prosecco and old langsym I'm still 'psychically' welcoming 2017... I'm grateful for:
-The energy Ive had this year to live my life fully such a lot of the time..
-The courage generated to take the risk to move workplace.
-The opportunities I've had for rubbing shoulders with like minded folks,healers,talented artist,old friends and sharing serendipitous moments with 'special souls'.
-The truth around my happiness coming from such simple stuff on my doorstep and accessible everyday to me.
-The resilience gained from being curious about my shadow side and embracing that.
-The freedom gained from Self forgiveness how liberating it is!
-The inspiration to work on forgiving others and understanding Shenpa.... touching just the surface of Buddhism probably in this lifetime but who knows I may surprise myself.
-My evolution in respect of accepting all that is..... so much more growth here in this lifetime I believe.
.....And the time....the time of my life through making time to breathe, to reflect,to develop my yoga and meditation practice  (yes it's coming at last from those sitting postures)....TIME to SIMPLY BE...
Thankyou universe and hello 2017.

Saturday, 24 December 2016

"Not the worst Christmas I've ever had"

I found myself saying this too someone this week....I was caught  up in some drama and was sooooo confused....I didn't want to be in the drama triangle but I was and was aware I was....someone in our family is very seriously poorly and the situation behind it and around it is longstandingly complex and they've lost sooooo much and I love them ....there's feelings of guilt ,love, then blame of others and a lot of fear all sorts of feelings based on judging myself and others and not wanting to judge the poorly person in any way at all... 'rescuer 'in disguise as persecuter with a hint of  victim just for good measure!  strong emotions from what I know is my 'Shenpa' energy.... thankyou Pema Chondron! Today I woke up and looked out n mi back garden and thought I'm sooooo grateful I'm alive ...yesterday I was filled with good vibes after a week of struggling with the confusion of my emotions tugging and swirling I had a lovely last day at work ....I am amazed at people's gratitude for small things and an unexpected hug and a thankyou for listening from a colleague, kind words from a work buddy,a phone call from a grateful mum and the faces/good vibes of the children n mums as I dropped of the toys donated by charities swathed me in christmas spirit and made my heart do a little happy dance! I was quick to examine whether it was ego driven but I felt so bathed in other people's good energy it was their happiness and loveliness that made a glorious festive rainbow over my week.....
The haunting christmas spirit i believe is rooted in what I dramatically call the worst Christmas in my life .... and was as I entered my teenage years just before dad died...and Christmas has always filled me with sadness from that grief and anxiety around my not being good enough as I compare myself unfavourably to others especially on the Christmas dinner cooking front  (not like mum and my sister who 'seem to ' revel in the organising and the cooking department!)...Christmas day is just another day but it's people that matter and connection with them through kindness that fuels the feelgood vibe of Christmas time and we'll anytime really xxx

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Peace in the darkness

I was sooooo drawn to wanting , even needing, to draw a card from this beautiful transformational 'go to' tarot deck... and wow this one said it all.....I'm very much in tune with the moon and the meaning behind this card resonated so strongly.... and is completely were I am at ...I am 'medium term' sitting with 'sadness' but am discovering a real contented state in sitting with this its hard to explain , meditation and yoga are helping me feel comfortable and spacious with it and I am not has been my main disposition since October. Yes strong perimenapausal symptoms are flowing but I feel there is a bigger picture of a more spiritual and soulful nature....and that's the journey not solely the physical physiological situation.I'm feeling reassured , inspired, encouraged and guided by the moon cycles and am 'birthing" a 2017 journal which will involve working with the moon and seasons cycles in my art journalling... journey on x