Friday, 1 July 2016

This present moment..... of peace....

Gosh at last I'm in a peaceful environment away from the sensory overload and the 'jiggery pokery'..... no tv nobody else in the house just 'the girls' well me and my cat! Im beginning to sound a little reclusive! ... I do love the colorful tapestry of life and diversity of 'peopleness'.. but my reserves are low and the week has felt tiring .. I've had to give into my slow thought processes and my aching shoulders and back have been telling me a little self care is needed....emotional check in time: feelings of sadness and fear lurke beneath my everyday smile and get on with it facade... (such a lot of extremism around and my sensitive disposition is stirred by all this 'energy'😩)
Situations that have impacted on me: too much to dooooo, challenging cases lack of headspace and folks to talk to about it too....
Bit of anxiety around some higher risk stuff.. felt a bit alone but adequately assessed and it turned out o.k.
Bit upset that I'm going through a needy slightly overwhelmed spell and recognising some old patterns and question whether i'm communicating as clearly with colleages as I need to to try to get support....bit scared support is not there and slipping back into that 'orrible' place in my head! But it's gonna pass.. its just these feelings right now that are hard to deal with... Ive got my dislike of 'judge wudgy ' and 'Un compassionate' colleagues filter on which nearly lead me to taking stuff personally today.... I'm stressed and only human and who knows what filters are in play...I'm too exhausted to analyse tonight! self care ..self care ...self care my wee body is shouting at me and it's voice is loud and clear...
O.k universe I know i attract these situations until i learn to deal with them so here I start ........
Gratitude for:
A bit of a laugh😁
A bit of reciprocal 'gosh Im worn out with a lovely student'😅
A wistful smile and some empathy from those around me when I was a bit anxious'...😅
The keeping you safe  communications and overall trust in colleagues 😅
My knowing I don't own any 'annoying😡 unless I'm the one being annoyed... and I'm not colleague has a story behind her behaviour and I have my filters to be aware of.😝
The instant relief of sharing verbally and feeling a bit of support with few pieces of work.
Me getting to the study day today...despite my worrying i might not..😣😆
Me leaving the work that needs doing until I've got the headspace and that's not tonight😓😪
The lovely acupuncture and massage on my day off.😙
The lovely neck pull Julia gave me in yoga ...I'm so grateful and can't thank you enough without feeling teary and even more emotional😙
Some lovely interactions with clients and a confidence that there's purpose in this life and so much hope for the human race ☺
MY BRAIN LIKES POSITIVITY AND GRATITUDE....just gotta hunt it out....I am blessed...and knackered!

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