Tuesday, 3 May 2016

The stronger you become the gentler you will be

The slow pondering im doing around 'shadow" is liberating........some art around this has been useful in examining the 'bad ass bear' I love but have supressed for some years..she didn't consume me she just gave me the energy and courage to take a little risk..she was a little scarier when I was younger and could've  got me into some bother if she'd had to spill out and claw her way to escape that toxic environment she was shrieking at me to leave behind...but I recognised her and listened! It is also sooo refreshing to work somewhere else thats going through just as much change as my previous workplace but without the level of 'draining distress'...Something was going on for me and it won't go away I know I've some serious emotional triggers...  but taking responsibility for moving away from the toxicity I experienced from being exposed to those triggers daily has had a really positive impact on me..  i sometimes find myself wondering and even feeling a little frightened that there might be a drama and a little memory emerges of some of the distressing dynamics I experienced previously but then I'm amazed, relieved and sooo grateful when actually my fears dissolve and  individuals simply get on I dont find myself at the centre of the playground being circled by 'the popular gals' or feel I'm this massive problem that needs erasing!  tenseness is expressed honestly but disperses quickly..it's busy , more intense work with an added vulnerability factored in but the team dynamics are healthy for me at the moment....My move is working out better than I could have ever expected.Im fitting in a couple of different yoga classes after work I've never been able to do that before but it's becoming a routine...Yep another self care facet and resilience builder..'routine'.

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