Thursday, 31 March 2016

Early riser?

Well a welcome early rise today... officially I don't think I can call it that as since the clocks went forward and because I'm on annual leave we've not gone to bed till midnight and risen before 9 a.m.....however today I had a nightmare about my old working place was pretty emotional but distanced enough to not have my heart racing and adrenaline pumping or any real tears flowing and so I feel it was just the brain remnants of the distress I felt in response to the behaviours and games played out there and prob a bit of anxiety in play as I return to work next week ... I'm almost looking forward to it as it's my new work place but its a given there'll be frustrations.I keep feeling a bit sad that I've not received any invite to a lovely ladies retirement night out but and I am convincing myself there are other more compassionate reasons for my not being invited and dwelling less on the thoughts it's because 'they all hate me' I'm aware I am partial to 'a bit of victim'...instead I'm focusing on how useful it is to have taken responsibility and how this is having a ripple effect on other areas in my life stimulating change, a capacity for joy and true friendships.I've had some lovely long walks an especially nice one with a good buddy yesterday, ive been to yoga, been decluttering, chatting and just being with Chel and Mel ...not wearing anything on my face or bothering with what i look like, i start good old belly dancing again tonight and am enjoyjng a great balance between doing and just being...ive some art i love that i started and i"m taking mum and aunt j to the coast tomoz  so although ive still sad feelings and a few non useful thoughts hanging around the facts are 'gratitude' and 'self forgiveness' are such useful and certainly a better pair of spectacles to see my beautiful life through.. so viva gratitude and self forgiveness 😀
P.s. must get back into my morning pages

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