Friday, 4 March 2016

Aww home....

Marvellous annual leave day today .... started my art journal pages inspired by journal 52 'pet hate' and 'what you love' .......what I love came easily and I started a spread around 'a radiant heart ' because I love a radiant heart it's a little human miracle....

"..... there's a moment in a peaceful and graceful state where deep  sadness and joy gently flows through my body in a safe quite beautiful way....the present can be seen in the light of the past but not 'because of it' and the future is delectably uncertain and that's OK ....the heart is radiant and open ...I love that this can happen it is one of life's miracles....oh I do love miracles..."

What I hate...oh gosh that's a bit harder... I hate my demons in that hardwired brain of mine... and the one at the front of my mind at the moment has been playing because I don't feel safe at I hovered around what made me feel safe in my shadow journal and have to admit my disconnect and isolate myself defense strategy does not work....I can cope with feeling lonely and I quite like the solitude... but it's not a good coping strategy my introverted personality takes over and although it allows me to turn the volume down on negative energy, drama, and start to try to deal with my own emotions....9 times out of 10 I behave poorly and react from a place of anxiety, crossness and misunderstanding and that's what I did yesterday...but I can forgive myself a little easier than I used to do... so what is it I hate....perhaps it's drama,mind games and my anxiety yes that what I hate! I've explored fear and feeling safe in my shadow and dream journal....I think anxiety is my next 'date' gotta be friends with it but not wanting to marry it!
....only 4 working days to go before my fresh start...I did it I survived 5 whole years of drama, stress,  mind games various strong personalities and health probe n confidence issues..I can survive another 5 before I retire somewhere else....that's for sure ...I'm celebrating that self forgiveness its part if my self love x

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