O.k back to work tomorrow after a pretty energetic although tiring weekend doing lovely family type stuff and thoughtfully trying not to dwell on my sad feelings... unpicking them and accepting 'what is' re framing 'what was' the flashback type memories and sadness and struggles that sit just below the surface as lighter observations and fleeting visitors rather than allowing them to take residence !...Struggling with my ego a little as it is making making more of the 'sad' but accepted fact that I continue to grieve for the relationship I don't have with my sister I do love her unconditionally but have to not have any expectation of her in return for that love......i've to accept I take some responsibility in this....it's a sort of haunting my ego likes to me expose me to every now and again and it gets less with every time I hurt from my thoughts about it! after the weekend I may struggle for a few days or perhaps a great weight will start to be lifted who knows ? and I'm choosing LOVE .. and if stuff lingers for me then hey its just more journal fodder in letting go of it... for a few days my heart has been aching for some creative comfort....spent the day preparing body n soul for the next two days in which I will squeeze possibly a weeks worth work into 2 days! not looking forward to it and wondering if I don't manage it does it really matter? probably not actually sometimes its the pressure we put on ourselves and the fear of not living up to what 'we think' others expect of us ... and you know it is not real..... So listening to a little of Jack's 'Harder than Easy' sittin with the darkness a little...before shining a light on it! ''Loved and supported on this journey''