Preparing for the onslaught!

O.K after a week of vitamins and complemetary therapies i'm trying to address work with revisiting my psychological awareness!...i've always felt i am a pretty good judge of myself and pretty self aware...although this does not make things any easier for me when surrounded by everchanging chaos, conflict and deadlines..or lessen the stress in times of poor health However, i've been scooting around the personality and group dynamics quizzes and there's nothing new here i dooo know myself ...

'Your preferred leadership style is probably as a participative leader. Participative leaders achieve through people, through team work, and through collective involvement in the task. Participative leadership involves building collective ownership and commitment within the group. Participative leaders make people feel valued as an integral part of the team so that everyone achieves the goals through relationships and cooperative teamwork.'
..yep that is me...


My challenge .....
One of the challenges of leadership is finding the right balance between meeting your own preference needs and the needs of the situation. Too much emphasis on the former can lead to poor performance. Too much emphasis on the latter can lead to stress and executive burnout.....well i am pretty sure i fall into the later category hello there stress and burn out!...you are not friends just aquaintances that keep bobbing up for a feast!


Career Score
Nursing 76%
Training 75%
Teaching 70%
Yes I do all these things in my present role..... and am a nurse!
so this quizz made me an ENFJ wheras answering the next one around personality made me an INFJ... a moderately expressed introvert

moderately expressed intuitive personality

moderately expressed feeling personality

moderately expressed judging personality............. my carreer advice focuses around following a career path in counselling ...... so i could probably move closer toward this field in my career but my existing challenge is so how do I make it through work when bombarded by the energies and behaviours of stressed extroverts....a little but unsympathetic voice says YOU JUST HAVE TO MANAGE IT ! So manage it i will..... with the support of the universe and some practical strategies for self care.

zoning out with my son!

o.k have given up on making tea, on thinking and trying to plan ...zoning out while Mel flicks through all the various music channels is as good as it gets today...liked these two tunes.x

Loving and supporting myself!

I had some unbearable energy and emotional dips Sunday and early Monday ...and my rational brain told me this is not YOU....I felt soo desperate and quite emotional at the fact this brain fog and moodyness was not moving..even after an amazingly chilled,good time with some loved friends and a massage on Saturday! honestly its a damn roller coaster ride up one minute down the next! Chella had guided me to The Wellness Centre in Leeds a couple of weeks ago... it offerred the opportunity for heavily discounted alternative therapies and the rest of Monday was then serendipitous as if the universe was answering my 'please help me out ' shout...i'm sooo grateful I had a pretty intense session of acupuncture...with a boost in energy levels which kind of interrupted my usual drowsy state and felt sooo positive.I've always been sooo anxious about the whole acupuncture scene i'm much more a REIKI sort of person but I was feeling brave after my 'Whoo whoo procedure' (after all having that done would have shot me into panic mode about 3 months ago but desperation brings about all sorts of courage !)I'm soo grateful to the tutor and students for the session and am returning next week ....I've thyroid friendly vitamins on order ( Vitamin D, 5HTP, CQ10 Enzyme,selenium ,B vits and selenium!)and am reading Dr Shames book Thyroid Mind Power...after surrender comes the emergence of a plan this is the way it is for me ...i have to return to work on Monday and face the stormy waters and relentless 'white horse waves' so need to fix the puncture in my bouyoncy aid to float(seafaring terms again!)

sitting with it ...........

Heyyy checking in with my unbridled empathy and why not have some unbridled empathy for myself....am still semi smiling.'whoo whoo' procedure over 'woop woop!' still tired and not quite sure of what it's all about not feeling up to returning to more stress as emotional melting down might just be round the corner...i've survived in pre meltdown mode for sooo long now and when working with other stressed folks it's just so hard for me to keep going ..their respond differently and soaking up other's frustrations and ego energies is just too much right now i just want to either fire it back at them or dissolve into a pool of tears...i just cannot do it anymore ..is it burn out is it work related stress i'm certainly able to feel o.k outside of work it's just when in work my brain and legs are like jelly! in seafaring terms when i'm at work i'm hanging onto the bits of the shipwreck and there's no lifeboat in site...my life jacket needs a puncture repair and i'm suffering from hyperthermia.... at home i'm warm in the light house,wrapped in a soft fluffy blanket sipping a hot drink....waiting on my relatives to take me to the place i belong!

lovin the new snow patrol song..............

Art journalling... pages without words

I've three pages that i created and i'm struggling to complete them with words...
'Pollyanna' is the first page ....'Freedom'the second i think i'm going to have to accept they have names but not words...so i'm gonna embellish them further and just enjoy them without thinking to hard about the words.

keep on ...keep on..

Yep keep on going... with surrender sitting very sweetly behind my eyes...if i surrender to my brain fog i'm a little scared i may never emerge again..My health is up and down like a yo yo and definitley gets worse with tiredness and stressors...i'm not sure where i am going from here and after another mini emotional melt down on friday i'm trying to pick up the pieces, brave taking a tiny dose of my thyroxine (which gives me the most unbearable pressure headaches at around day 3)cos without it i seem to dip massively now although with it i'm feeling aggitated and as if my head is going to explode ... so i'm waiting on my 'whoo whoo' procedure on Tuesday and have to surrender to more sick time just knowing i'm not doing myself, or others any favours dragging myself into work when i'm like this...caring for others needs when i'm so terribly needy myself is not working anymore...what is going on inside my body i do not know and i'm a little frightened this is it... this is how life is going to be for me forever...i've reseached thyroid probs a little, ordered a book so as to get some explanations for these bizarre mood swings and dips in energy levels..clutching at straws and hopeful that things will improve.

STEER

I am in the driving seat and i sooo need to steer but someone took my wheel a long time ago! so here i am in the driving seat without a wheel to even steer with where do i start.....first things first i'm getting an idea of how it will feel when i get there and this is how it will feel when i move from a 3 to a 8 i'm holding on for that ! So gonna get some fight in my belly and be prepared to stand my ground for what i know will improve my life.................