Well..... from spewing words and emotion to gushing in a more physical sense....any self awareness around my patterns in health have just been trumped by the worst 5 days of perimenapasal happenings and a shameful 'rage' that ensued following some banta from my beloved! I've always had an inner hormonal rollercoaster that has underpinned a lot of life happenings, emotional states and probs...However this has to be the worst 'ride' since the decline of my thyroid (which probably started around the time I started this blog if not before...6 years or so ago).
Am now popping thyroxine, iron and norethistrone and feel physically incapacitated !
So this little ditty hit the page...
A 'man with a womb' a 'womb with a man' the female disposition is a powerful one..
For someone soooo kind and committed to peace can suddenly turn into a raging beast!
Memories of hormones when I was young and the shame of the moments when ferrel they ran
When crockery flies after a disagreement and people get broken in a heated moment.
It's been so long since that physiological rage and then out of the blue it revisited after 5 bloody awful days...
Timing and respect had been well and truly flaunted the consequence of which my beloved wouldn't have ever wanted...
Once it is started its hard to switch off Mantras and breathing all well and good but when 'fight and flight' is caught up in the mix beware those I love leave me alone till its fixed...
Escalation is massive in my cazzy head and no sources or attempts to make good can help when this volcano errupts..
I do feel I'm sorry and now we've made it all up and I'm past feeling shameful cos I really was pushed not by my beloved (shit timing aside) but my perimenapausal chemistry unseen but flowing inside...
End of ditty! and in my journal it goes there's a double spread in red for this one!
Solution: accept that this may not be able to be overcome by naturopathy alone! Hunt out some forums and commit to pushing through with some yoga,meditation and breathe breathe breathe breathe and sleep as much as needed .....it's hard because it's hard....still love my life just a bit disillusioned with the high expectations I have for my aging body! Look and feel 100 years old today!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment