The blessed weekend is here....after a slightly out of sync week with a feverish kind of work hard and then push yourself to work harder mentality to it....mmmm recognise this and my 'addictive focus' sitting in a non useful place this week it doesnt serve me and I'm doubtful it serves others but it does feed a beast that I think is hardwired in fear....fear she's not good enough, fear that something bad will happen to someone if she doesn't work so hard, fear of sitting with other uncomfortable feelings involving others and perhaps what they might be thinking! Oh gosh what a strangeling I am .... a sort of Hogwarts Dobby ....beating myself up along the way ! Im smiling about this because i am dramatising it .... but what I allow my working life to do to me really needs addressing as this pattern of behaviour exacerbated by the good ole stress response is toooooo automatic and such a go to behaviour coming from shadow ...there was a time only a few years ago when i really wasn't aware of what it was and i'm grateful for the progress ive made in recognising it .I started to transform a frowning pencil drawn portrait into my moody green goddess with the monochromatic and psychedelic prompt from journal 52 this week.A few of my pencil portraits recently are nice moody sad ones ...I really like them The moody and sad part of me is also a layer of shadow in my 40's I felt a shift in accepting this rather beautiful layer of myself and started loving and caring about her! Instead of giving her a hard time or ignoring her all together...although shes not always for public consumption 'in full' I recognise her worth... she could be hiding a host of other demons and is the beauty of the bunch I think! Soooo my green goddess kind of represents my moody disposition.... oooh i do like her ....and im lucky I have folks in my life who know her, and love and accept her tooo .... im celebrating my moody green goddess...
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